The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
