Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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