glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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