so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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