Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
