At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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