I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I love having hate sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
