Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
