I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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