i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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