If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
