i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
PANTIES FOUND
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
