If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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