When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
