And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
