If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
