The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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