i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
