Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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