Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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