you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
