At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
