it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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