I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
