oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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