I can tuck mytits in my pants
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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