Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
40s are totally the cure
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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