I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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