I smell stomach acid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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