I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
