you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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