chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
