haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
