im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
