when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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