so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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