I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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