thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
