He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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