I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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