I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
