I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Two words: blizzard sex
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
