omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
