Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
