On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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