when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
