Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
