She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
