You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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