pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my poor anus
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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