woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
