Having a random hookup so left but love u
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize