her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
