Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
