getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
