seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
