I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
