I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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