i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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