I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
