apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
