Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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