No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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