Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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