So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
