even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
